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Alex Somos

Employee Engagement Training - The 5 Driving NeedsGet help dealing with bullying in the workplace: learn about Juice's Power of Conversation, Beyond Engagement, and Leadership Development training programs!

Years ago, my childhood friend’s mother Pauline Steinbach said one of the wisest things I’ve ever heard.

My friend came home in tears one day to tell his mother he had been bullied. He explained it to her as “they did X, Y and Z to me.”

His mother gave him a hug, calmed him down and then said these words: “Honey, people don’t do things to you. They do things for themselves.”

Pauline was so right.

Moreover, her advice applies to all human interactions: including those in the business world.

When a person acts out on another, it’s got less to do with the target and more to do with that person dealing with their own unfulfilled needs—things they want, but are unable to attain.

And so, they act out using unskillful expressions such as bullying and backstabbing: behaviours that affect the target’s self-image and productivity.

Reframe your thinking

The next time you find yourself feeling judged or blamed, think of Pauline’s words of wisdom and ask yourself:

  • What is it that this person is really looking for?
  • What is it that they need?
  • What are they looking to fill?

Granted, it may not always be possible to uncover another person’s unmet needs. But by taking Pauline’s words to heart, you can lessen the unnecessary blame or onus we often place on ourselves as targets—and reduce the level of interference affecting our potential to be our very best selves.

Get help dealing with bullying and finger-pointing: learn more about Juice's Power of Conversation, Beyond Engagement, and Leadership Development training programs.

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