Connect, Trust and Spark Fascination through Conversation

In last week’s blog post, Are you spreading optimism or pessimism, we discussed how emotions can be contagious. This week, we’d like to explain how you can create connections, increase trust and spark fascination in your conversations.

The Connection Contagion

Great leaders understand the powerful secret of human connection. They spend time interacting with employees, showing interest in them as a person (versus treating them like corporate chattel), listening to them, and thanking them face-to-face for their contribution. When you need to convey optimism, passion, purpose, gratitude or seriousness, the most effective way to do it is face-to-face. The limbic system in your brain regulates emotions, and sends out a wavelength in face-to-face conversations that act as a contagion to imprint others with passion and it can powerfully serve an entire organization. If you need to deliver excitement and enthusiasm, or perhaps compassion and kindness, along with your words, consider a face-to-face conversation as your default, if possible.

Create Trust / Reduce Tension

Face-to-face conversation is essential if you need to create trust and reduce tension in a relationship. It increases trust, bonding, attention, and pleasure, and it reduces fear and worry. As Edward Halowell puts it in his Harvard Business Review article called The Human Moment at Work:

“Nature … equips us with hormones that promote trust and bonding: oxytocin and vasopressin. Most abundant in nursing mothers, these hormones are always present to some degree in all of us, but they rise when we feel empathy for another person – in particular when we are meeting with someone face to face. It has been shown that these bonding hormones are at suppressed levels when people are physically separate.”

That explains why it’s easier to rip someone apart in an email than it would be if you were standing in front of them. But face-to-face conversation not only produces trust, it can be the happy Prozac moment of your day. Hallowell adds that “scientists hypothesize that in-person contact stimulates two important neurotransmitters: dopamine, which enhances attention and pleasure, and serotonin, which reduces fear and worry.”

Spark Fascination

Have you ever had a conversation with an “expert” who is explaining something that is intricate and complex, but you find yourself fully capable of comprehending what is being said? It’s as if all your channels are open - no distorted buzzing in the background. In another conversation, a different expert is explaining a subject that is no more complex but you feel thick and slow, unable to comprehend the message.

What was the difference? Sometimes it’s more than just your affinity with the subject matter or how ‘with it’ you felt on a given day. Often, chemistry can be at play. Perhaps the first speaker made you feel respected and valued. The second made you feel patronized and disrespected. Each of these two interactions sets into motion a very different hormonal chain of events.

Daniel Goleman, in Working with Emotional Intelligence,discusses the scientific evidence regarding the physical effects on people when they are disrespected or respected. “When we experience stress -- for example, when we’re being psychologically “erased” or simply ignored by others -- our bodies release cortisol, sometimes called the stress hormone. When cortisol is released into our pre-frontal cortex, the logic center or CPU of our brains, can shut down up to sixty-six percent of our rational reasoning powers. The unhappy effect is that we find it hard to understand what is being said. We literally remain stupid, no matter how hard we try to understand.”

He adds that whensomeone positively engages us, “our brain is being soaked in a bath of catecholamines and other substances triggered by the adrenal system. These chemicals prime the brain to stay attentive and interested, even fascinated, and energized for an almost effortless, sustained effort.”

If you want to make a deep and lasting imprint on people, make them feel respected and valued as you converse with them. Doing so will enable them to find the fascination that keeps them engaged to the point of full understanding.

This post discusses face-to-face conversation as the ideal default mode when communicating, to take advantage of your body’s natural chemicals to engage in a better connection. Next week will introduce reality, and talk about how to be more effective at having better conversations virtually and electronically.

Innovation - Don’t rely on the leap of faith!

This morning I did a google search for “Think Outside the Box” and received 17,800,000 results. As I scanned the results, it became apparent that there is no shortage of tools, tips and advice on how to “think outside the box”. So, what’s the problem?

Simplistic is right! I sat back and wondered, what does it actually mean to “think outside the box”? What exactly, are we asking people to do?

Take a leap of faith… that sounds nice but the reason I want to innovate is to drive better results. And taking a “leap of faith” feels a little uncomfortable if not downright risky when,  really, I’m accountable for improving quality, efficieny and sales. If I was sure that taking a leap of faith was all it took to create breakthrough solutions that would be one thing, but…

Fortunately, there are tried and true innovation best practices that are available to anyone.

Innovation does not have to be complex. There are simple, practical “back-of-the-napkin” tools you can use to create innovative solutions to both everyday problems and your most important strategic challenges.

In the coming weeks, we’ll explore some of these tools, and  in the process help you (and us) become more innovative and achieve the results we all want. 

Are you spreading optimism or pessimism?

Imagine a good friend telling you about a pill she takes every morning that produces amazing results for her in the area of her interpersonal relationships. This is a friend who used to have difficulty connecting with people. Now, she establishes an easy rapport within minutes. Building trust with people had always been difficult for her, but now people offer their trust, information and commitment spontaneously. People used to tune out when she talked. Now her conversations fascinate her listeners. 

Do such wonder drugs exist? Yes, but not in tablet form, they’re stored inside you. All of us come equipped with hormones that, when triggered and released, have a remarkable effect on our ability to connect, create trust and fascinate people. These hormones produce a relational chemistry we have with some people and completely miss with others.

Let’s explore the simple science of how human beings ‘synch’ with each other. The limbic system of your brain (the emotional center) is an open-loop system, meaning emotions can be contagious. Someone’s tears, or their smile can trigger an involuntary sympathetic reaction in you.

In their book Primal Leadership, Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee discuss this open-loop phenomenon and describe how emotions spread between people.They cite studies in which scientists measure the heart rate of two people as they have a good conversation. At the beginning of the conversation, their bodies are functioning at different rhythms, but fifteen minutes later their physiological profiles look remarkably similar – a phenomenon called mirroring.

Scientists describe [the limbic loop] as “interpersonal limbic regulation,” whereby one person transmits signals that can alter hormone levels, cardiovascular function, sleep rhythms, and even immune function inside the body of another…The open-loop design of the limbic system means that other people can change our very physiology – and so our emotions.

Put us together in face-to-face conversations and we regulate one another’s emotions. You’ve probably experienced this yourself. One team member’s strong, buoyant mood affects one person after another until the whole team is feeling upbeat. Another member’s critical, negative mood can equally infect an entire team in destructive ways. These authors go on to say:

This circuitry also attunes our own biology to the dominant range of feelings of the person we are with, so that our emotional states tend to converge. One term scientist’s use for this neural attunement is limbic resonance, ‘a symphony of mutual exchange and internal adaptation’ whereby two people harmonize their emotional state.

Recent discoveries in neuroscience confirm there are steps you can take to increase your chemistry in the relationships that are most important to you. In the coming weeks we’ll share how you can create connections, increase trust and spark fascination in your conversations – both face-to-face and virtually.

Employee Engagement - A Manager’s Burden?

In our work with current and prospective clients around engagement, the discussion will typically start with a question: “How do we get our employees …”.

You may have heard the saying: "People don't leave organizations, they leave people.” (In particular, their direct manager.).  A lot of work has been done to try to "fix" managers.   I am not suggesting that developing managers is a bad thing, in fact it is imperative that managers continue to learn and grow to become the type of leaders everyone wants to follow.  However, when speaking about engaging employees, the burden has fallen again on the shoulders of managers which I would argue is not only unfair, but is also doomed to fail or get little traction.  A manager’s role in engagement is to create the conditions in which employees’ needs (including their own), can be met through mutual accountability.

Engagement and the culture of the organization is as much the responsibility of the employee as it is for their leaders.  Otherwise  the organization is setting itself up to have employees with entitlement issues, constantly waiting for their managers to make them feel better or to give them what they need. Managers are people just like anyone else.  They wake up in the morning with the best intentions in the world to support and recognize their people, and to ensure the organization is successful.  But they are human—not mind readers.  From Juice's research on engagement, we have created a short-cut to understanding engagement from both a rational, and an emotional level, through 5 statements:

I Fit.  I'm Clear.  I'm Supported.  I'm Valued.  I'm Inspired.

The degree to which an employee can make these 5 statements with emphasis will uncover how engaged and energized they are, and directly relates to the amount of discretionary effort and energy they can offer to the organization. These are not simply "employee" statements; they apply from the janitor up to the CEO, and typically a manager (unless highly tuned-in and skilled in the art of leadership) will not distinguish  which of these are most important to their direct reports.   Nor will they recognize what their employee is lacking or needing in order to assist them in moving towards higher levels of engagement.

The manager needs to create the conditions and develop the skills where:

• honest, authentic conversations can emerge and employees feel comfortable asking questions if they are not clear;
• they can discuss their fit and how they would like to advance in the organization;
• they can point out areas where they need support;
• they can express the areas in which value and inspiration are not present for them
• they can be a part of the solution: committed partners for the success of the individual needs, the team needs, the organizational needs and the needs of the client.

Bullying: At Work & School

During the past few weeks, strong anti-bullying messages have been circulating in an effort to end some of the the tragedies of student taking their own lives. Jonah is a 13-year-old boy with a disarming story. He tells his painful and often hard-to-watch journey in this video:

Perhaps I should have been stronger in my warning. As a parent of a child this age, Jonah’s plea is hard to watch. As a parent of a child who has been bullied, it is hard to watch. As a parent, I am just as lost as other parents about what to do to support a child when this happens. This insidious behavior can often leave our kids speechless - lacking the words to articulate and express what is going on. It may be their emotional, irritable or acting-out behavior that signals a problem. Thanks, Jonah, for putting words to what our kids are feeling.

As adults, we are just as perplexed about what to do when bullying happens in the workplace. The government introduced anti-bullying legislation in the workplace in Ontario 18 months ago and it has increased awareness about the problem, yet people are still unsure what to do if it happens to them, or if they see it happening to others. Bullying, in its simplest form, is one person being mean to another. It is an expression of an unmet need based in fear and characterized by threatening behavior.

I tell my kids that if they feel bullied, or if they witness behavior that appears to be bullying, they need to Speak Up, Speak Out and Speak Loud. They need to speak up to an adult or person of authority about the issue, speak out to the person mistreating them by creating boundaries around acceptable behaviors, and speak loud until they truly feel like they have been heard and the issue is being addressed by someone who can help. This isn’t always possible if children don’t feel safe in their school environment, and it isn’t possible if employees don’t feel safe in their work environment.

In addition to holding bullying behaviors to account, it is essential to understand what is at the core of the "bully’s" unmet need. This requires effective conversation and inquiry, which few of us have been trained to do. It is especially difficult when you are the parent of one of the children involved because it is such an emotional issue – staying calm and rational is not easy!

How have you navigated bullying behavior – either in your workplace or with your children? This is an issue that requires more conversation and an exchange of ideas. We’d like to hear yours… As parents, it is our responsibility to model impeccable behavior and perhaps we can do that by talking more about the issue.

Whose responsibility should engagement be: management or the employee?

I received a query from a magazine editor - whose responsibility should engagement be: management or the employee?

This is not a fence-sitting response - effective employee engagement relies on both employees and management.  Employee engagement is not a "broad program" you can enforce upon all. What engages each employee is as unique as that person. It is up to that individual to communicate what it is that he or she needs to feel like they fit, they're clear, what support they need, and what makes them feel valued/inspiredand rewarded.  If, as an employee I can't or don't communicate my goals and objectives, seek challenges and build a good rapport with my peers and managers, I will have a difficult time becoming engaged no matter what I do. The manager/leader's role is to ensure there is the type of environment that fosters these kinds of conversations so employees can flourish. There also needs to be "corporate will" from the top that management/leaders are committed to creating this kind of environment and putting into place, the kinds of reward and compensation structures that reward company values, positive behavior, a supportive, challenging environment, new ideas AND results.

The Undertow of Nursing Charting a New Course

An experienced charge nurse reviews staffing for the next shift.  She notes that two out of the three nurses coming on have less than a year experience and she is concerned.  In addition, the intoxicated patient in 54 is requiring hourly medications and frequent monitoring to avert DT’s (delirium tremors).  The charge decides that in order to safely staff the floor she needs four nurses - but the staffing office says they are very sorry (sick call or staffing grid), and she can only have three.

A surgical nurse helps her patient to the bathroom and the patient is weak and unsteady on post op day three from a hip replacement.  She foresees the likelihood of this patient falling at home and reports her observations to the physician, recommending that the patient stay another day to gain strength and more physical therapy - but the physician discharges the patient home anyway.  He’s being dinged for his length of stay and can’t afford to look like an outlier.

Another nurse notices on the fourth post op day that the patient has not had a bowel movement for four days; but she can’t give Maalox or even a suppository without calling the doctor first.  The nurse knows the surgeon is in the operating room and doesn’t want to interrupt.  She also knows that the same over the-counter laxative that the doctor would order is currently ten feet away in the medication room.

An undertow is more powerful than a wave. An un-articulated conflict is much more damaging to our esteem than an obvious one.  I could just as easily list scenarios where the nurses’ high level critical thinking, skill, autonomy and experience improved patient care.  But the reason for discussing these situations is to raise awareness of their presence so that the effect can be mitigated.  What effect?

Ambiguity increases self-doubt which in turn decreases self esteem; reinforcing nurses’ feelings of powerlessness.  Raising awareness of these internal role conflicts however, allows us to intervene and change course.  Many nurses take the above situations as ‘part of the job’, and fail to see how these daily conundrums insidiously chip away at their sense of self.  But if we can identify and talk about the undertow that pulls us down, we can chart a different course.  

To read the full article, click here The Undertow of Nursing: Charting a New Course.

Juice has partnered with Kathleen Bartholomew to create a two-part CD/DVD series that addresses the problem of nurse-to-nurse hostility and aims to provide the tools to end it. www.juicehealthcare.com.

Innovation Webinar Question #6

Q: How do we engage you?

A. Contact Juice inc. by phone 519-822-5479, email Kevin @ .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or Rick @ .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or visit www.juiceinc.com .

If you would like to view the Innovation in a Box webinar, click here.

Co-op Work Term

As a Business co-op student at Wilfrid Laurier University, I have had the opportunity to work at Juice Inc. as the Marketing Assistant for my first work term. My role has been such a huge learning experience, as well as an enjoyable one. It has given me the chance to learn and grow both professionally and as a person. It has allowed me to build a solid foundation as I pursue my future career in Marketing. The culture and environment at Juice Inc. is truly so enjoyable and stimulating. It has been such a pleasure coming to work and being able to work with such excellent people. From the day I started my position I felt so comfortable and part of the team. Everyone is friendly and more than willing to support and help one another. The non-hierarchical nature was something I also appreciated. Whether I was speaking to my manager or the founder of the company, I was always at ease and able to voice my opinion. The culture and coworkers allowed me to find a fit within Juice Inc., flourish, and have a very pleasant experience.

Innovation Webinar Question #5

 Q: Can you provide ammunition to make the case to a manager?

A. Ask them to watch the Innovation video (http://www.juiceinc.com/programs/show/innovation-in-a-box) and/or Webinar (http://www.juiceinc.com/media/webinar/innovation-in-a-box-everyday-people-breakthrough-solutions). I would suggest getting together on a call where we can go through the content.

• To help prepare for that, we’d send you a briefing form, which would prepare both of us.
• Then we would walk through an overview presentation (similar to the Webinar) together.